How I love my ego's favorite songs always reliably on in the background, drowning out attempts to hear them for what they are until I'm whipped up in a frenzy higher than a latte froth!
Ask any therapist, philosopher or good observer of the human condition what people struggle with and it all boils down to the same thing. (Here's where I try to simplify what you already know or don't give a shit about). We live caught in a cycle of illusion and projection; walking Panavision cameras whose director has an insatiable craving for more, better, different, and above all for our movie version to be regarded as the RIGHT interpretation of reality!
The good news is you aren't alone in being reluctant to leave the illusion pool. What woman doesn't love a good soak? Repeatedly? My girlfriends and I could easily live for swimming upstream through the maya of relationships legitimately wanting to be loved enough right up to the point where that new love lets us down again. "Oh no, not worthy of me and I didn't see it- Darnit" ! I have been a serial fault finder of men, employers with rules of any kind, and definitely any country I live in for more than 2 years.
Seek, seek, seek- the thrill of discovery followed by the pain of self-deception. Turns out the men I know weren't all liars trying to disappoint and hurt me. This is what the Course in Miracles refers to as the promise of "special love" whose only possible destiny is to become the fodder of special hate.
Yet to give up the revolving door and climb out of an open window instead...est-ce possible?
Thank God my life and yours are in Divine hands. While I'm busy feeling morally and spiritually superior to my husband, family, friends and acquaintances who are in turn busy feeling superior to me, we may sadly miss each other's light. The light goes on shining in the dark until the hold of the shadow self gradually lifts like mist from a river bank.
If we didn't wait til death-- if we woke up in the dream? Ah, but if others in our life don't wake with us says the ego, how unfair, lonely and misunderstood would that be? Wouldn't one be even more alone?
Well I suspect that reaching a place of sustained awakenedness means that the question ceases to have merit. Imagine the bliss that could come from genuinely not needing or wanting for their own sake. For the end of seeking.
As a child I loved the story of the Yellow Brick road to OZ. Funny about that platitude at the end that "there's no place like home". What brought Dorothy back was her desire to wake up in the dream, to discover that she'd always had the power to be home.
Paradoxically, the trip she thought she made was the only way to find out she'd never left.
